Tag: self improvement

Romantic relationship role models

Ok that’s a mouthful but coming of age I did not have couples that I could model my future romantic relationships after. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that everyone around me were in bad or toxic romantic relationships; but, I am suggesting that I didn’t see enough of any romantic relationship that would eventually serve as a model.

This is partially because I was raised under the ideology that “children should stay in their place” which led to me never really knowing anything that was happening in the adult world.

For much of my youth, outside of weddings or other special occasions I didn’t observe adult couples being affectionate. Occasionally, I eavesdropped enough to hear the adults discuss finances or household responsibilities that were often gendered based.

Until I was an adult, I don’t recall my parents ever having date night and I definitely never heard about how any of the adult couples came to be a couple!

I can’t tell you how my parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles met their romantic partners. It’s funny. I watch a lot of cheesy romance movies on a popular television network that’s known for the cheesy!

I am glad that the adult couples I observed when I was coming of age didn’t try to present the cheesy television network’s version of romantic relationships; however, I do wish I would’ve received a more full picture of romantic relationships.

Fortunately, I know that even if I observed a detailed version of romantic relationships when I was growing up; I would still have many of the same issues. Quite frankly, every relationship is different and the individuals in the relationship are unique; therefore, no roadmap or model would ease my issues with relationships.

I do believe that the privilege of observing real life romantic relationships can help or hurt your development as far as your receptiveness to love is concerned…but I know that relationships take work regardless of your starting position!

Some people have a healthier idea of relationships than others. Others have fanciful ideas of relationships and then there’s people like me who are simply going with the flow because we really don’t know!!!

It’s ok to not know what you’re doing in your romantic relationship – no one really does or else there wouldn’t be so much “help” available for our consumption!

Life’s Journey

It’s easy to become overwhelmed by your personal struggles, whatever they may be. Well, I’ll say that it’s easy for me to become overwhelmed by whatever is or is not happening in my life at any particular moment.

I’m one of those people who actively evaluates their life and their worldview. I do this all the time, sometimes to a point of annoyance. I’ve accepted that it’s a part of my quirky personality, but still I strive for balance.

I don’t just evaluate my life and my worldview; I address my issues and my concerns openly and honestly.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that every issue I have I broadcast it for an audience in order to address it; however, I’m saying that I’m open with myself about my issues and sometimes this means admitting that I’m not ready to address it, yet.

I don’t pretend that the issue is fails to exist; however, I acknowledge that I lack the necessary tools and resources I need to properly address the issue at that time.

Some of my friends prescribe to the notion that someone is worst off than they are, therefore they should refuse to complain another their predicament. Umm…that doesn’t work well for me!

I’m cognizant of the fact that many of my “issues” are rudimentary compared to someone else’s, but what gives?

Seriously, who is the last person who has the absolute worst lot in life and can not find anyone in worst shape?

Plus, what’s wrong with admitting that my problems/issues are a big deal to me? Regardless of how petty they may appear on the grand scale of problems faced by people!

I work hard not to allow my problems to encapsulate me and deplete me of the very resources I need to address them properly. Yet, I refuse to deny the impact that my problems/issues have on my life simply because they are not what books are made of!

My parents made me attend a Protestant Christian church while rearing me in their home. This was one of the value system that my parents felt was important to instill into me so myself and my siblings had to attend church until we finished high school. Once we finished high school we could move out of my parent’s home and decide whether we wanted to continue attending church.

I bring this up, not just to paint a picture about who I am but also to explain another point…

as mentioned I think the belief that one should not complain about their lot in life because someone else’s is worst, is flawed.

I recall as a child, using this same type of logic I thought I needed to have some “major life crises” in order to truly be “redeemed”…the argument never quite made sense but my young mind assumed that in order to truly shine I had to “go through” some heavy stuff!

It was obvious to me that a testimony about making good grades on my report card paled in comparison to a testimony about overcoming drug addiction! You see this is why it’s flawed logic to compare your plight to anyone else’s

We all have our personal crises that impact our very being. Sometimes these crises overwhelm us and yes sometimes I know that I personally can be very dramatic when dealing with a crises…however, even with that it’s important that we don’t undermine the impact of our personal crises. It’s also important that we don’t depreciate our crises by comparing them to other’s crises.

Everyone’s journey is unique.

Advise for Advice

It’s so easy to find others who to advise you on what to and not to do; but, learning to trust your own judgment is priceless.

Besides obvious markers like the overwhelming genre – self-help! One can look anywhere in the US and find and find advice givers.

Balance is key

Not again…The reality of finding physicians

Since my childhood I’ve managed to have really good, attentive physicians…this was priceless since I had many mysterious and/or chronic ailments.

Even at birth, I required specialized medical care.

Well, I’m an adult now – my childhood and teenaged years , and twenties are things of the past now.

I’m in one of what will likely be many awkward transition phases of life. The place I’m at now is not my home and I’ll likely be somewhere else next year this time.

That brings me back to doctors! As I’ve expressed before I have endometriosis and several of its sister/cousin ailments…my body also possesses some unlikely ailments.

In the ideal world I would be managing these ailments under the care of a physician…but in my reality, I haven’t went to a physician in months

I spent a lot of time at doctors’ offices and in waiting rooms…so now I’m more hesitant about going and I’m more willing to suffer in silence.

Trust me I know this isn’t smart but I’m tired of doctors. I don’t want to build rapport with anyone, let alone another physician

Especially since this relationship will be short lived

The problem is that endometriosis and the various ailments are getting the best of me.

I don’t know how to start finding a good doctor…my last doctors just kind of feel into my lap and they were wonderful

Due to my latest relocation and insurance network – going to these physicians is impossible.

How do I motivate myself to find a doctor to treat the ailments I’ve been suffering unnecessarily with?

Is it even worth it to start another relationship with another doctor ?

I believe in me…

When I was a youngster I was always told to believe in myself. If I believed in myself I could be successful in whatever I decided to do. When I was younger I believed in myself, for a fact, my confidence was firm.

Then I had one particularly trying experience with health in 2013, my confidence was barely hanging on by this time and once I recovered physically, my confidence was nearly nonexistent.

Don’t get me wrong, I always knew that I could do some simple things better than others but my belief in myself was not ironclad anymore.

I was sure to make everyone I associated with think that my confidence hadn’t been shaken…but I knew the truth.

I’m not trying to go back to the time before my health event in 2013 when my confidence in myself was great…I want to be better.

I have much to offer the world at large and I must believe in me, regardless of the situations I find myself in. 

One day soon, I will honestly be able to again say I BELIEVE IN ME…