Tag: PhD

Money problems

I’ve been unable to fully appreciate the fact that I’ve received an academic appointment because it starts in August…right now it’s May.

The dilemma I’m facing is that I have no income currently and that has been the case since I walked across that stage in December.

That’s another momentous occasion that I’ve been unable to fully appreciate because of my dire financial situation.

I’m extremely blessed to have had the opportunity to complete the level of formal education that I have. Additionally, it doesn’t escape me that I am one of few to attain the coveted academic position that’s been granted to me.

However, the bigger picture highlights my starting position of being a first generation college graduate from a rural lower socioeconomic area.

I’ll save the rest of the thoughts for research but thinking about my starting position brings me hope. I’ve overcome much in my educational journey so I know that I can endure this phase of financial destitution.

My debtors have been incredibly kind to me and I completely understand that they have a business to run.

My current financial situation is completely of my doing and even if it takes years for me to clean this mess up I will. I take full responsibility for the part I played in this situation.

It grieves me when I’m unable to pay even the minimum payments on my accounts. I try to answer every call from my debtors and each time it takes a little out of me. I have to tell them that I graduated from school recently, my income was tied directly to school, I have employment lined up, but it doesn’t start until August.

I’ve looked for part time work but I’ve been unable to find anything. My parents are graciously providing me housing, without them I would be without shelter.

My situation sucks right now but I’m grateful for the blessings that I’ve experienced even in the midst of this chaotic time.

I have chronic illnesses that are not being monitored because I also no longer have health insurance and if you’ve been to a healthcare professional in the United States while uninsured and no income, you are well aware of the problems with that picture.

I’m proud of myself because although I’ve had flares and I’ve had many low moments as a result of my current circumstances, I have yet to give up completely.

This time has given me a stronger desire to give back to the communities that helped me and to assist students who are from like backgrounds. I want to make sure that we are not forgotten.

I’m struggling right now in ways that I’ve never imagined I would but this is all temporary.

If you have any suggestions of in the meantime work I could do and how I can bridge the gap between now and when my job starts in order to pay my debts and stay afloat…let me know.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post!

Waiting

Waiting…I could be better at this. My waiting game could definitely be improved, a lot!

Now as I wait for direction on how to proceed in my job search, I grow impatient. I developed several excuses of why my impatience is justified.

Seriously, I have debts…enough said. My residence is not my own, therefore, I fail to have my own space. There are personal items that I need to function in daily life…I am an adult. I am supposed to furnish these items and take care of these debts on my own. Trust me when I suggest that I have many reasons to justify my impatience.

BUT! Justification or not, I am in a period of waiting…waiting sucks! My needs are being met during this time so honestly, my justifications for impatience are a bit weak; however, I am struggling (MENTALLY) as I wait.

Patience is one of those things that I can only tend to find when I am teaching, counseling, or advising. Do you notice something about those things? I find patience for OTHERS but rarely for myself. IF someone takes a little longer or even a lot longer to grasp a concept, my patience is beautiful – for a fact, many people would be shocked to know that I have ZERO patience with myself and/or my journey.

I am not sure how I actually completed the doctoral program…it did require a lot of patience, but it was also formulaic. I knew what was next and what had to be achieved in order to reach the final milestone of the program. I need to locate the patience I had with the program as I WAIT for what to do next.

My brain is less foggy since completing the program, so I know that this time of “rest” has been good for me. I put rest in quotes because I’ve never been particularly good at resting. I have a bad habit of filling my rest time with activities, so yeah…it’s not complete rest.

Waiting.

I am able to wait in a long line patiently or even to wait in the waiting room at a medical facility, but waiting to figure out what my next move will be is torturous.

I’ve lived my life filled with plans and now I do not have a plan. Yes, these plans never quite worked out but it was comforting for me to have said plans. Now I do not have a plan and I am working on this whole “living in the present” thing while I wait.

Waiting.

There are several things that I could do during this time. I could easily do a job just because I need the money…but here’s the thing I do not like to leave things without finishing what I started. Also, I really do need to wait until the last of the post-doctoral program brain fog dissipates in the name of self-care.

Waiting sucks but I imagine that soon this transitional time will pay off for me. I have to listen to my intuition, my voice in my head, the higher power, the universe, God, or whatever you may call it so that means that I wait.

Stay tuned…the waiting will be over soon.

Balance and Job Searching

In many (if not all) research doctorate programs, we are indirectly taught that we must not pause or stop unless we plan to lose.

Specifically, there’s always something that you could do better. Another paper that you can write. Another research paper and another conference to attend. Occasionally, you’re reminded to have a balance – to not let the process consume you

I completed my research doctorate in December 2018 and I started actively searching for opportunities once I’d defended my dissertation. The first thing I had to decide is what I wanted to do and how did the PhD prepare me for this career path?

It’s January 2019 and I have a much clearer picture on how my educational background has prepared me for the career paths I’m interested.

Now I have to remember the occasional lesson that my mentors and professors taught, which is to make sure I don’t let the process consume me.

It is difficult but I believe it’s important to set an expectation early before the actual career starts – work is important but it should not consume all aspects of your life.

My natural tendency is to do much more than necessary – I do this in all areas of life – so in order to make sure I’m seeking balance I have to remind myself to be balanced in the job search.

I’m excited about the opportunities that I have and I know that I’ll do great wherever I land.

Whenever I apply to a position, I make sure my application materials present the best version of me and I don’t think about who else may apply and their qualifications.

In all I do, I attempt to learn and become a better version of me…the job search is no different.

I have a PhD…so what?

Nothing is ever quite like we imagine it, once we finally get it.

That person you’ve longed for; ends up being ordinary

That cake you’ve craved; was just another cake.

But when you’re in the time of desire; everything is so much better.

I’m happy I have a PhD. Ecstatic really, but all those years I dreamed of finally being Dr…was much better

Those times I daydreamed that people would refer to me as Dr…made me smile.

I even toyed around during my secondary years by having friends jokingly refer to me as Dr. Love – since I always handed out relationship advice!

Those were good times and now I am the proud owner of a genuine PhD in an actual academic discipline from a authentic university and all I can think is So What?

The moral of the story is don’t let any one thing define you. Even if it’s something you’ve worked hard for or have always wanted know that you are more than any one attribute.

Thank you and hello!

Thank you for reading and visiting my blog. Introduce yourself

I’m just a woman in the United States who is dangerously over educated and chronically ill…but of course words will never fully describe me!

Stress induced flare

Ok so here’s the deal, in less than 10 days my dissertation defense will happen and my angst is high

I’m not nervous about what I know as it pertains to my dissertation; but I’m concerned about the what’s next questions that are flooding my mind

This is bad because the illnesses that reside in my body react badly to stress…really bad.

My thoughts are jumbled; I’m frustrated and I’m ready to scream

I must find a way to calm my mind and balance myself.

I must relax or else I won’t make it through my dissertation defense because I’ll be nursing a flare.

Why are my illnesses stress- sensitive ?

The Memo

The chronic illness related pain failed to read and/or comprehend the memo which stated:

To Whom It May Concern:

The deadlines are fast approaching and must be met. There’s no acceptable excuses for said person to miss these deadlines. Reasonable accommodations were made and any extensions beyond those suggests that said person is unable to adequately perform the tasks.

Signed,

The Deadline Committee

Well, back to the chronic illness related pain that failed to read and/or comprehend the memo and decided instead to flare when I (aka said person) desperately needed to write in order to meet the deadline committee’s demands.

Clarity statement: NO committee or individual gave me such a deadline notice…IRL