Tag: living

That ONE Post

Does anyone else wonder what that one blog post would translate to if you were suddenly no longer around?

Honestly, I think this very thought about the emails I send and the blog posts I write. What will people think of me if they canvassed my writing and read that ONE POST?

You know, like that one post you wrote when you were upset or maybe even in an impaired state of mind. Or the post you composed when you first started your blog and you just knew NO ONE would ever see it. Let’s not forget the post you wrote about a topic that you were deeply passionate about; only to really you were also very ill-informed. Or maybe it’s the nonsensical post that was just for fun at the time of writing.

All of these posts will be read one day, some more closely than others. Depending on how it happens that you are no longer managing your blog, the post will be read differently.

Have you ever heard an investigator, anthropologist, historian, or even someone’s family member piece together someone’s identity based on written documents?

What image will people have of you based on your posts? Specifically, what image will they have if they only read that one post?

How much attention should we pay to the image we cultivate through our words? Are there certain times we should pay more attention to this sculpted image?

I have the slightest idea what someone would think of me by reading any of my posts…it really depends on which post they read. However, I know one thing that even if I posted everyday; the reader would only know what I wanted them to know in that moment.

Besides I am more than any of my attributes, and my attributes are great!

Romantic relationship role models

Ok that’s a mouthful but coming of age I did not have couples that I could model my future romantic relationships after. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that everyone around me were in bad or toxic romantic relationships; but, I am suggesting that I didn’t see enough of any romantic relationship that would eventually serve as a model.

This is partially because I was raised under the ideology that “children should stay in their place” which led to me never really knowing anything that was happening in the adult world.

For much of my youth, outside of weddings or other special occasions I didn’t observe adult couples being affectionate. Occasionally, I eavesdropped enough to hear the adults discuss finances or household responsibilities that were often gendered based.

Until I was an adult, I don’t recall my parents ever having date night and I definitely never heard about how any of the adult couples came to be a couple!

I can’t tell you how my parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles met their romantic partners. It’s funny. I watch a lot of cheesy romance movies on a popular television network that’s known for the cheesy!

I am glad that the adult couples I observed when I was coming of age didn’t try to present the cheesy television network’s version of romantic relationships; however, I do wish I would’ve received a more full picture of romantic relationships.

Fortunately, I know that even if I observed a detailed version of romantic relationships when I was growing up; I would still have many of the same issues. Quite frankly, every relationship is different and the individuals in the relationship are unique; therefore, no roadmap or model would ease my issues with relationships.

I do believe that the privilege of observing real life romantic relationships can help or hurt your development as far as your receptiveness to love is concerned…but I know that relationships take work regardless of your starting position!

Some people have a healthier idea of relationships than others. Others have fanciful ideas of relationships and then there’s people like me who are simply going with the flow because we really don’t know!!!

It’s ok to not know what you’re doing in your romantic relationship – no one really does or else there wouldn’t be so much “help” available for our consumption!

Chronic illness identity

Chronic illness warrior, chronic pain survivor, spoonie, chargie, dis-Abled, fighter, and all of the other labels used among individuals who face a myriad of long term illnesses….

It matters little how I refer to myself when I’m at a place where I feel there’s nothing I can do to overcome, conquer whatever my illness has brought to me.

The labels tend to carry little meaning when I’m facing the implications of my illness alone

They matter even less when I’m sitting in yet another physicians or alternative health professionals office and/or waiting room…

So why do I find such comfort in whatever label I choose for the day? Although it seemingly doesn’t change the trajectory of my chronic illness or the acknowledgment of my pain by others?

These labels may have little meaning outside of the communities they create which often transcends an individual’s immediate surroundings.

These labels thrive in cyberspace and it’s easy to see how certain events in the real world are crafted around these labels.

Personally, I’ve found them useful in cyberspace and I’ve enjoyed the disconnect in the connections I’ve created through these labels.

I consider it a disconnect because I only checked into these communities when I felt the desire to…otherwise, I stayed away.

Some years, I was connected to various chronic illness themed communities on a daily basis…I was even an administrator of one such community at one point

But once I received what I needed or at least once my outside support system stabilized, I relied on the amazing community less.

Now, I’m not a part of any particular community of chronic illness individuals. At times, I miss the relational aspects of the communities, I miss the feeling of being a part of something bigger, the feeling of not being alone…but for the most part I don’t miss it enough to immerse myself into any of these communities again.

It became overwhelming as I shared my story, my experiences with so many who could relate…it was sometimes overwhelming to witness the pain and suffering many of those individuals in these groups shared.

Now. I’ll mention various chronic illnesses or pains I endure, but I don’t want to be consumed by it anymore.

My illnesses impact every facet of my life daily…but my needs are different than they were years ago when I had to plug into the communities to maintain a semblance of sanity.

I’m forever grateful for the groups and the amazing people I’ve had a chance to interact with throughout the years of my intense involvement.

Slow down

I could use a few Yield signs during my life’s journey, even now I caution myself to slow down, savor the moment.

People often say that life is short so we should enjoy it while we have it…of course I believe this is often used to justify mischievous and irresponsible behavior, but there’s more to it than that.

I’m a planner by nature, some would say that I possess a Type A personality and that by default im a bit of a perfectionist. I’ve made many plans that failed, including the grand plan I constructed for my life.

Talk about an epic failure! Until recently I was unable to distinguish between failing at something I set out to accomplish and being a failure. Part of the major issue I faced and continue to face is that I attempt to control every aspect of my life, anyone who’s lived awhile can affirm that it’s impossible to micromanage your life…regardless of how great you are.

It’s become a signature part of my personality to have full reign over my life and the happenings of it…this is laughable! My thoughts race and I portray that I’m put together when I’m really falling apart.

I’m learning to slow down and take in my surroundings. I accept where I am currently, while I work to achieve and become greater. I acknowledge my circumstances, regardless how grim they may be but I refuse to allow them to define me. I slow down, I take deep breaths and I thrive.

When I was constantly going, flowing I missed a lot of opportunities because I couldn’t only see what I was not amd what I failed at…I couldn’t see my potential or what I accomplished in the midst of my circumstances.

Life is not some great fairy tale and yes there are things I would like to change, however, I’m glad that I took heed to the yield signs and slowed down. I’m slowing down and yet somehow I’m moving faster than I ever have before.