Tag: growth

Change

I am the first to admit that change is difficult; I struggle with all changes – good,  bad and somewhere in between.

My life changed drastically recently, although a lot remained the same. I still have the amazing support system and my ambitions are still around; but things are different

Thankfully, I knew most of these changes were coming. Shockingly, knowing hasn’t made them any less difficult.

Lets talk about my ambition – it’s still around but depressed! I’m tired of working toward my goals so much so that I’ve forgotten my initial mission. I’m not quite burnt out, but I’m barely hanging in there.

Life changed a lot in a short amount of time and I’m not adjusting well. For one my patience is severely lacking and my faith is shaken.

Funny, I’m still able to encourage others but I need a jolt of encouragement myself. This is a familiar space to be in, although it’s slightly different than my usual.

on one hand I’m jubilant that I took the risk to make the changes that so desperately needed to be made in my life, on the other, I’m frightened that I’ve made a terrible decision that will haunt me for years to come.

Oh I’m out of hands but there’s also the thought that the decision I made was because I’d given up on myself and my dreams. As if I made this particular decision as a scapegoat to blame when my dream doesn’t come to fruition. I recognize that as depression.

I need to laugh, a grand laugh to renew my faith and restore my vision. I need to be revived before the last life (of my vision) is gone. I refuse to wait until the road back to joy, laughter and a renewed sense of self is miles out of reach.

I need someone to tell me that I need to cheer up and to remind me that I can indeed achieve the dream that I’m actively working on and then the light bulb will start to flicker and my breath will be renewed; I’ll be able to keep going until I reach the finish line

how do I expose my vulnerabilities and remain a leader? Somewhere along the way I’ve been told that leaders are never vulnerable…that’s an untruth! A quick read in any historical or contemporary documents about the greatest leaders, will  end that untruth.

Someone left the impression that a leader must be without fault but I believe they were trying to be a god; because as human beings we are all filled with faults. Leaders simply learn how to make their faults work for them.

Life has presented many changes in a short amount of time and I’m struggling to keep my head up, remember the goal but I just became the person to tell myself that I can do it and that I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

So although these changes may be difficult; my faith is renewed and my joy is revived – I encouraged myself. Plus I have the worlds best support system cheering me on.

Change…a part of life.

The ‘That’s It’ Songs 

There was once a song that I loved to hear, the song was a plea for renewal. It wasn’t only the lyrics that pulled me in, but also the divination of the soloist’s voice. I couldn’t tell you the name of the song if I tried, but for a season it served a purpose.

I have many ‘seasonal’ ‘temporal’ songs, most of which once the season ends, my fascination with the song does also. But I always recall the moments when a particular song served as my encouragement

As I continue to review my past in preparation for my future, many songs serve as evidence  markers.

I’m grateful for songwriters, singers, and musicians for sharing their gifts with me.

I don’t have a ‘that’s it’ song right now but I’m sure I’ll have one soon with the vast selection available.

I believe in me…

When I was a youngster I was always told to believe in myself. If I believed in myself I could be successful in whatever I decided to do. When I was younger I believed in myself, for a fact, my confidence was firm.

Then I had one particularly trying experience with health in 2013, my confidence was barely hanging on by this time and once I recovered physically, my confidence was nearly nonexistent.

Don’t get me wrong, I always knew that I could do some simple things better than others but my belief in myself was not ironclad anymore.

I was sure to make everyone I associated with think that my confidence hadn’t been shaken…but I knew the truth.

I’m not trying to go back to the time before my health event in 2013 when my confidence in myself was great…I want to be better.

I have much to offer the world at large and I must believe in me, regardless of the situations I find myself in. 

One day soon, I will honestly be able to again say I BELIEVE IN ME…