Tag: feelings

Not again…The reality of finding physicians

Since my childhood I’ve managed to have really good, attentive physicians…this was priceless since I had many mysterious and/or chronic ailments.

Even at birth, I required specialized medical care.

Well, I’m an adult now – my childhood and teenaged years , and twenties are things of the past now.

I’m in one of what will likely be many awkward transition phases of life. The place I’m at now is not my home and I’ll likely be somewhere else next year this time.

That brings me back to doctors! As I’ve expressed before I have endometriosis and several of its sister/cousin ailments…my body also possesses some unlikely ailments.

In the ideal world I would be managing these ailments under the care of a physician…but in my reality, I haven’t went to a physician in months

I spent a lot of time at doctors’ offices and in waiting rooms…so now I’m more hesitant about going and I’m more willing to suffer in silence.

Trust me I know this isn’t smart but I’m tired of doctors. I don’t want to build rapport with anyone, let alone another physician

Especially since this relationship will be short lived

The problem is that endometriosis and the various ailments are getting the best of me.

I don’t know how to start finding a good doctor…my last doctors just kind of feel into my lap and they were wonderful

Due to my latest relocation and insurance network – going to these physicians is impossible.

How do I motivate myself to find a doctor to treat the ailments I’ve been suffering unnecessarily with?

Is it even worth it to start another relationship with another doctor ?

Stop Thinking and Feel

I’m an analytical person and not just because of my specialized training in academic studies. This characteristic some times stifles my progress, my ability to relate to others. When I feel different from my daily average, I analyze why I feel that way and attempt to justify whatever feelings I’m experiencing, however, I often fail to stop thinking and just feel.

My thought process goes something like this: I feel down, I likely feel down because I didn’t accomplish anything today, or maybe I feel down because I don’t have strong relationships, maybe I want new friends and I feel down because I can’t make any, maybe I feel down because I’m overwhelmed with my work, maybe it’s just my hormones, etc, well it’s ok to feel down

Then instead of allowing myself to feel down I pretend that I don’t feel down so that I can skip out on the experience of actually feeling down.

Why is it so hard to stop thinking, trying to fix myself and just feel whatever it is I feel in that moment? 

To experience feelings I have to let my protective guard down and simply allow the feelings to be present in the moment with me.

I feel a lot of things right now that do not make sense and cannot be placed in a pretty bottle or box so I must stop thinking about feeling and simply feel it. 

I’m not sure I can do that.