Tag: discovery

Open

Open your eyes young one, you’ll see the truth.

Open your eyes, old one, you’ll see the truth.

Open your eyes, you’ll discover much.

Open your eyes, just open your eyes.

Love, what?

At times I wonder if I’ve ever truly loved anyone

Other times, I believe I’ve loved many

Then I ask myself what is love?

I ask others what is love?

Some illustrate love to me with the imagery of a mother loving her child.

I counter that by the countless images of mothers abusing, neglecting their children

A mother’s love is the purest love, some would say

But the images of children abused at the hands of their mother – competes with that sentiment

Some people explain love with the imagery of a deity

But that often leaves me with so many questions that it fails to explain what is love.

I’m told that there are multiple types of love.

I wonder why are there so many types of love, if love is one thing

Perhaps that is why I cannot explain what is love

And I’ll never know if I’ve loved before.

Maybe I’m using the wrong approach and love is indeed inexplicable

Shrug…love, what’s that really?

Evidence of Love

I admit that I do not know much about love and I’ve often used the cliche that “I know it [love] when I see it”! I’m not certain that’s true, but I do believe that love is evident.

I may be a researcher but I’m not referring to quantification or statistics when I say love is evident. I’m one of the first to admit that love is greater than a formula, but I still think that there’s more to love than the feel good moments.

When someone tells me that they love me, I like to believe that I know if this is true or not. I like to believe that we can show love to each other better than we can speak love.

In the realm of romantic love, I’ve had at least four individuals tell me they loved me. I think I can safely say that at that particular time, these people did believe that they loved me.

Or at the very least – they had feelings for me that were not easily put into words.

Two of these individuals likely only loved the ideal me and not the true me.

Hmm…maybe three of these people only loved the idea of me or simply the familiarity of me. And the other, of all of them I believed wholeheartedly that they loved me…until they didn’t.

Oh but this post isn’t about that person or those other two…but this post is about the one who probably did love me in a sense, but did not realize until it was too late.

I don’t think it is very accurate to say that this individual loved me (although that is what they said) but perhaps it’s better to say that they had developed intense feelings for me through the years.

I will likely never get to ask this individual about them loving me. I imagine that would be awkward since we are not remotely in each other’s lives anymore. Plus so much time has passed since they revealed that love to me.

My dilemma with this individual’s love for me is quite simple:

This individual didn’t even know my middle name and they proclaimed that they loved me.

If we hadn’t been familiar with each other for 5 or so years prior; not knowing my middle name was probably easily excusable…but they didn’t know it after all those years of knowing me

I use my middle name frequently, so much that many people believe that my middle name is really a part of my first name!

Since this individual didn’t know my middle name after five years, I wonder if they knew my last name.

So yes, I highly doubt this individual truly loved me.

Please don’t tell me how this person could have loved me and knowing my name was not important…because my name is important to me!

If this individual truly loved me they would have known that my name is important to me. Quite frankly, my name is one of my trademarks – people who know me, know my middle name and those in my inner circle refer to me with both my first and middle name. So if this individual really loved me they would have known my middle name.

I want to ask this person why did they think they loved me? I know that I cared deeply for them and there was a part of me that longed for them to care for me in a similar manner.

But even then I couldn’t convince myself that they loved me and when I learned that they didn’t know my middle name after five years of me openly using it, I knew that they felt something for me but not what I would consider love.

People mistake love for many things but I find it hard to believe that this person didn’t know middle name and thought they loved me when my middle name is so important to me.

Knowing my middle name is a part of the evidence of love.

Love Lasting

I thought it was best to stop loving you.

I tried my very best to terminate the love I have for you.

I thought it was best to stop loving you.

How is it that I’ve only managed to love you more.