Tag: Blogging

Hobbies, Anyone?

A hobby is something you engage in regularly for sheer entertainment.

We are often asked what our hobbies are; especially, when we are first getting to know someone.

I’ve struggled to answer this question every time it was asked.

Not because I dislike fun, entertainment. But because many of the things I do enjoy are ingrained into my lifestyle….therefore it is difficult to identify these things as hobbies.

Part of my problem is my construction of hobby! I think of hobby and I think of an activity that’s far more entertaining than anything I actually enjoy. Plus I seem to believe that one must have numerous hobbies in order for it to count!

This is a terrible misconception, although it’s one I choose to continue to believe. At least I know my logic is flawed…that stands for something right?

I don’t enjoy the “big” hobbies like the ones that incorporate physical activity or those that involves instruments or tools. I didn’t name any particular hobby, yet you envisioned some by my hollow descriptions, right?

Even before you begin to read this post…the title invoked imagery of hobbies! The mind is interesting like that.

I enjoy reading and that’s the only thing I identify as a hobby of mine! Sure there are other things I like to do; but, leisure reading is the only thing I regularly do for entertainment.

I’ve tried expanding my hobbies without much success.

Hello dear reader, my name is Amber and my only hobby is reading! How about you?

This job thing

Sigh, I don’t understand how anyone enjoys job searching but I imagine that someone does…I’m not that person.

It doesn’t help that I have training as a researcher – trust me that training helps and hurts my job searching!

For instance, I find a wonderful job, according to the ad it’s my dream job. So I do what any wise job hunter would do…I look up the company and read more about the position.

This is good, however…instead of the quick skimming search that most people would do; I end up looking at things that are slightly connected to the actual job and/or the organization until eventually I fail to remember the job

Remember at one point this job was my dream job??? Next thing I know the application deadline has passed and my dream job is no longer available.

Then I would become distraught because once again my dream job is gone because I got caught up in the details and missed the big picture.

Remember, I’m still supposed to be applying for jobs but I’m losing Energy on the job that never was!

Then I laugh…I realize the dream job wasn’t really a dream job but I was unable to divorce myself from my idea so I found unnecessary information to miss the deadline.

This job search has been enlightening; yet, draining and I need to write more to release the stress and anxiety when I become overwhelmed.

Job searching is far from fun but I’m learning more about myself everyday and I believe I’ll find a position that works for me.

Life’s Journey

It’s easy to become overwhelmed by your personal struggles, whatever they may be. Well, I’ll say that it’s easy for me to become overwhelmed by whatever is or is not happening in my life at any particular moment.

I’m one of those people who actively evaluates their life and their worldview. I do this all the time, sometimes to a point of annoyance. I’ve accepted that it’s a part of my quirky personality, but still I strive for balance.

I don’t just evaluate my life and my worldview; I address my issues and my concerns openly and honestly.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that every issue I have I broadcast it for an audience in order to address it; however, I’m saying that I’m open with myself about my issues and sometimes this means admitting that I’m not ready to address it, yet.

I don’t pretend that the issue is fails to exist; however, I acknowledge that I lack the necessary tools and resources I need to properly address the issue at that time.

Some of my friends prescribe to the notion that someone is worst off than they are, therefore they should refuse to complain another their predicament. Umm…that doesn’t work well for me!

I’m cognizant of the fact that many of my “issues” are rudimentary compared to someone else’s, but what gives?

Seriously, who is the last person who has the absolute worst lot in life and can not find anyone in worst shape?

Plus, what’s wrong with admitting that my problems/issues are a big deal to me? Regardless of how petty they may appear on the grand scale of problems faced by people!

I work hard not to allow my problems to encapsulate me and deplete me of the very resources I need to address them properly. Yet, I refuse to deny the impact that my problems/issues have on my life simply because they are not what books are made of!

My parents made me attend a Protestant Christian church while rearing me in their home. This was one of the value system that my parents felt was important to instill into me so myself and my siblings had to attend church until we finished high school. Once we finished high school we could move out of my parent’s home and decide whether we wanted to continue attending church.

I bring this up, not just to paint a picture about who I am but also to explain another point…

as mentioned I think the belief that one should not complain about their lot in life because someone else’s is worst, is flawed.

I recall as a child, using this same type of logic I thought I needed to have some “major life crises” in order to truly be “redeemed”…the argument never quite made sense but my young mind assumed that in order to truly shine I had to “go through” some heavy stuff!

It was obvious to me that a testimony about making good grades on my report card paled in comparison to a testimony about overcoming drug addiction! You see this is why it’s flawed logic to compare your plight to anyone else’s

We all have our personal crises that impact our very being. Sometimes these crises overwhelm us and yes sometimes I know that I personally can be very dramatic when dealing with a crises…however, even with that it’s important that we don’t undermine the impact of our personal crises. It’s also important that we don’t depreciate our crises by comparing them to other’s crises.

Everyone’s journey is unique.

Who Am I?

I’ve never been one to have a lot of nicknames.

For a fact, my first and middle is as close to a moniker that I have!

My name is Amber, in case you were wondering. I love to laugh. Enjoy writing and I am passionate about helping others. I have been blessed with many opportunities.

I’ve had several blogs through the years – I deleted them whenever the thrill was gone!

Most of my blogs via various platforms focused on my life with endometriosis. These blogs were instrumental during times when I needed reassurance that I was not alone in the painful struggles.

My picture is included in many endometriosis awareness videos created by individuals I interacted with online.

Now I blog about whatever happens to be on my mind…I’ve read that this catch-all type of blog is the least profitable! Sigh.

If you’ve read my recent posts, you know that I have academic degrees and I’m on the job market.

My name is very common so it’s difficult to google me with much success! I’ve had many friends who’ve tried.

My blog title: Strong Caring Beauty is a collection of words people used to describe me during one of those social media quizzes.

I have a difficult time describing myself because there’s so much to who I am. Plus, I have no issue with people developing their own opinions without my persuasion.

However, I’m grateful that you took the time to read this post and to visit my blog. Thank you

Thank you and hello!

Thank you for reading and visiting my blog. Introduce yourself

I’m just a woman in the United States who is dangerously over educated and chronically ill…but of course words will never fully describe me!

Getting to know you

It’s certainly difficult to get to know another…well at least this is a difficult thing for me.

I’m as closed as I am open…what???

I share many things about myself, yet when another thinks of me they often conclude that they don’t really know anything about me.

I tend to have a high level of distrust for others and this makes it difficult for others to get to know me

However, there’s a few people who really know me…usually these are individuals who I automatically click with.

I refer to all of these individuals as my best friends because each of them play a certain, specific role in my life

I’m thankful for these people and they are highlights in my life.

If you’re someone who feels that it’s nearly impossible for others to get to know you, rest assured that there’s some individuals out there who will get to know you.

If people can get to know me, there’s certainly hope.

Rest required

I have a few chronic illnesses, some that I’ve written about in the past…it doesn’t matter what they are, just know that they exist and they impact every facet of my life.

I recently defended my dissertation (Yay Me!!!) now it is time to focus on job hunting (Why me?) and this is where chronic illness is front and center.

So I’ve lived with these chronic illnesses for many years and I’ve achieved my educational goals…although things never went smoothly…and now I’m exhausted

I have important people to contact, cover letters to compose, and applications to complete…but I’m tired.

I’m not only tired from the arduous process that is a doctoral program…my chronic illnesses are screaming at me to pause temporarily.

My chronic illnesses are suggesting that I breathe, meditate, then rest. Sigh.

As many of you know, application deadlines and all the many things necessary for getting a job fails to account for the fact that your (my) chronic illnesses demand that I rest.

Some of you may even go so far as to say, if I need rest during the application process, I’m likely not able to do the job for which I am applying.

Then there’s others who would say that the PhD process is tedious and the typical person would need a break, so it’s not unusual that I need a break…in the form of a short rest.

The problem I often face as a result of being chronically ill is that I wonder if I’m being lazy or I really need the rest.

Those closest to me suggest that I simply need the rest, but even that’s not always convincing enough to stop my negative self talk

As someone with chronic illnesses, it is hard enough to deal with some outsider suggesting that you are lazy, incompetent and yet many of us, myself included engage in negative self talk when our bodies demand self-care.

I am someone who possesses chronic illnesses, but I’m also more than that. I am someone who needs accommodations, but I’m also more than that. I am more than any identifier I possess…if only I consistently believed that.

Writing is (was) my refuge

At one point writing was a refuge. I found my peace through my words.

The mental clutter would clear when I wrote

Once upon a time, writing was my refuge.

I need that time to return. I have so many thoughts and I struggle to organize them

I’ve never been quite this insecure or unsure

Perhaps it’s just a transitional phase and I’ll pass through it soon enough

But writing used to my refuge

My thoughts had to quiet when I wrote. Now they are still jumbled but I’m trying to find my refuge

I’m looking for my safe space.

At one point, writing was my refuge

Chronic illness identity

Chronic illness warrior, chronic pain survivor, spoonie, chargie, dis-Abled, fighter, and all of the other labels used among individuals who face a myriad of long term illnesses….

It matters little how I refer to myself when I’m at a place where I feel there’s nothing I can do to overcome, conquer whatever my illness has brought to me.

The labels tend to carry little meaning when I’m facing the implications of my illness alone

They matter even less when I’m sitting in yet another physicians or alternative health professionals office and/or waiting room…

So why do I find such comfort in whatever label I choose for the day? Although it seemingly doesn’t change the trajectory of my chronic illness or the acknowledgment of my pain by others?

These labels may have little meaning outside of the communities they create which often transcends an individual’s immediate surroundings.

These labels thrive in cyberspace and it’s easy to see how certain events in the real world are crafted around these labels.

Personally, I’ve found them useful in cyberspace and I’ve enjoyed the disconnect in the connections I’ve created through these labels.

I consider it a disconnect because I only checked into these communities when I felt the desire to…otherwise, I stayed away.

Some years, I was connected to various chronic illness themed communities on a daily basis…I was even an administrator of one such community at one point

But once I received what I needed or at least once my outside support system stabilized, I relied on the amazing community less.

Now, I’m not a part of any particular community of chronic illness individuals. At times, I miss the relational aspects of the communities, I miss the feeling of being a part of something bigger, the feeling of not being alone…but for the most part I don’t miss it enough to immerse myself into any of these communities again.

It became overwhelming as I shared my story, my experiences with so many who could relate…it was sometimes overwhelming to witness the pain and suffering many of those individuals in these groups shared.

Now. I’ll mention various chronic illnesses or pains I endure, but I don’t want to be consumed by it anymore.

My illnesses impact every facet of my life daily…but my needs are different than they were years ago when I had to plug into the communities to maintain a semblance of sanity.

I’m forever grateful for the groups and the amazing people I’ve had a chance to interact with throughout the years of my intense involvement.

The Blog Hustle

How many times have you read posts about making thousands from your blog?

I’ve used various blogging media for years now but it seems that I come across more of those make lots of money posts now than before.

One day I will invest enough in my blog to monetize it and allow it to serve as an additional source of income

But that’s the issue! I have to seriously engage and invest in my blog to make the money worthwhile.

This is why I loathe those get rich from your blog articles…many deny the amount of time, energy and preparation that goes into for profit blogging

There’s also the issue with choosing which identifiers the blog will highlight.

As a reader I appreciate knowing that Blog Whatever by Blogger Whomever writes about Topic One always.

For a fact, my unfocused blog would drive me crazy as a reader!!!

And yet, I write about whatever I feel like.

My blog is like those journals I used to keep out in the open in my room

I would only put surface level material in those journals just in case someone decided to read it!

Yes, my blog entries are vague enough to give you something to read…yet make you wonder about the person behind the words.

It almost feels like you’re getting to know something about me…while simultaneously feeling a bit detached!

I’ve read quite a bit about how to make thousands from your blog and I break those rules quite frequently on this very blog

I completely appreciate you reading the garb I write and just like those old journals

This blog is a wonderful outlet – even if I purposely write with the thought that someone may read it and I love privacy.

I may never make thousands from blogging but I truly enjoy writing with the expectation that YOU may read it.

Thank you for reading my garb and If you are indeed making thousands from your blog – I applaud your persistence and dedication