Endometriosis complicationsĀ 

If I had my way I wouldn’t have endometriosis, who would ever if given the choice? But I do have endometriosis and it has impacted every area of my life. I appreciate hearing about people who accomplished societal success, all while having endometriosis, but I’m also saddened by this news because I start judging myself harshly….what have I accomplished? How can I blame endometriosis for some of my success shortcomings when that individual I’m reading about has accomplished so much while having the same disease? 

So to get myself out of my conflicting thoughts I read about how endometriosis impacts everyone differently and blah, blah, blah. This works momentarily, until I read about someone with some other life altering illness who is successful according to society’s standards. Then the self judgment starts again – what is my excuse? I’m just a failing failure.

Ok so I know that this line of reasoning is unreasonable and utterly ridiculous but in that moment when I am judging myself so harshly for how I’m comparing my plight with someone else’s, this reasoning feels like the truest truth I’ve ever told myself.

I was diagnosed with endometriosis nearly two decades ago but it’s no easier to handle now than it was when I was a scared adolescent thinking I had some terminal illness in my stomach.

One thing I know for certain is that the quickest road to depression is to compare yourself to another. 

I’ll never be thankful for having endometriosis but I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned while dealing with this horrible disease. I believe I could’ve learned these lessons another less humiliatingly painful way but I didn’t choose the body I was born into or the diseases that occupied it

Thank you

I appreciate all the follows, likes, and I hope to be able to engage more in the community as the summer months roll around!!! Thank you for following my blog. Stay tuned

PhD and Me

The closer I get to finishing this PhD program, the more I wonder if it was/is worth it.

I’ve sacrificed much for this lofty degree and when I started I had a plan; I had major plans…but now I’m releasing myself from all of the plans I had and letting life fall into place.

One thing I know for certain is that my plans thus far constantly changed…whether it was due to my ugly battle with endometriosis and other chronic illnesses or the people I’ve met who enlightened me…I’m not the same and my trajectory has changed.

One day I hope to look back and say: those years I sacrificed and the relationships that suffered due to my pursue of this lofty degree were worth it.

Until then, I will continue what I started because I’m too close to the finish line to stop now.

 

Goals

Goals in your way? I could do so much if I wasn’t working toward these personal and professional goals.

Yeah that makes no sense but my feelings don’t have to be logical

 

Closer

I am slowly becoming the person I was destined to be. Each day I’m appreciatng myself and my qualities more than ever.

Change isn’t easy but in this instance it’s worth it.

I am finally close enough to my dreams that I can taste them