Questioning Myself

Wanting to feel special, always. Scared to be loved, usually. Wondering if I told the truth, presently. Was I really ok in November? I don’t know, I thought I was…that much is true. Am I ok now? I don’t believe so, but I don’t quite know what is wrong. What is really bothering me deep down. What am I afraid to see?

There’s so much going on, so many questions? Will I finish school? What am I doing with my life? Why do I still have endometriosis? Why do I continue to eat bad when I know better? Why do I feel alone when I have many friends? I haven’t felt the least bit attractive in months, maybe longer? Yes, some days I’ve felt pretty but something inside feels ugly.

I feel like I am close to completing this transition but one wrong move and I fail…I know failure and it’s not pretty?

Disturbed Emotionally

Feeling lost, angry, dejected…in my dreams at least which explains my deer in the headlights approach to life as of late. I fail to understand what got me since I was only following the path that was laid out for me, but somehow I ended up in a foreign place and I don’t know what to do next…so I’m simply stalled. I can’t call for help because I don’t want anyone to know that I appear to have made a wrong turn so I’ll keep trying to figure out my next move. I know for certain that this place, space is unfamiliar and I feel unsafe, exposed. I really wish I could find my way home

I Am More

It is very easy to define oneself by achievements and status symbols; but at the end of the day , it’s important to remember that we are more than that.

People who you meet and interact with will remember how you made them feel before they remember your occupation or the accolades you have achieve

There are many people who have accomplished a great deal and on paper they are fabulous and yet they feel empty

Personally I have not accomplished much but those things that I have achieved fail to define me

I am grateful for the degrees I possess and the papers I’ve written, etc

but I am most happy about the lives I’ve touched

the people I’ve made smile and those individuals I have encouraged to think differently about various topics.

It is very easy for me to compare my lack of accomplishments with others or to just compare my idea of where I believe I should be with my peers but that doesn’t begin to tell the story of me

I am more than what a piece of paper can display, we all are more than the mere descriptions of ourselves.