Category: Uncategorized

I love him

I’m finally at a place where it’s ok for me to love him. Prior to now, I would think of reasons why I shouldn’t love him and the reasons never had anything to do with him.

I love him and I’m quite alright with that

When XYZ happens…

I’ve lived long enough to grasp that waiting until the “perfect” time to do anything leads to disappointed.

It took some disappointments for me to realize this. I spent many days, weeks, months and years waiting.

There’s the time I waited until I thought I looked “attractive” to say hello to the person I had a crush on! That only led to more waiting because I always had to feel attractive before speaking to this person. I’m sure I’m not the only one who fails to feel attractive on some days.

Yes, I know that I’m attractive…but some days I feel that I look like ahh…what? Needless, to say me and this person did not have many conversations! Either I failed to run into them on the days I felt attractive or quickly convinced myself that I could not converse on the days we saw each other.

Popular culture, comforts me by suggesting that if it’s meant to be it will be! Lol! How would I know I was too busy waiting for XYZ to converse with my crush.

That was years ago, I was much younger, less secure in my newly formed body (of course it was not a new body but the curves  ascribed to femininity certainly felt a lot different than my previous form) and quite frankly I was shy.

Stop! I could easily hold a conversation with most people, but when it came to those I was remotely interested in…I was tongue tied.

Thats over, I conquered my romantic pauses behind a keyboard and a screen! Interestingly or not, I was much bolder and I talked…I’ve been talking to this crush for years now -I even talk in person with ease. So maybe it wasn’t the waiting…shrug!

Oh but I’ve waited for perfect conditions for other things also…especially, my academic writing.

Anyone whose written a dissertation knows that waiting until the surrounding is perfect, your thought process is clear and everything else is Perfect to write sections of your dissertation, leads to major procrastination and often deadline crunches.

My dissertation is nearly finished now. Finally in the editing process!!! Yay!!! But this has been a long 18 month journey.

Ok so I’ll get back to writing my dissertation now…waiting on the perfect moment that never comes