Author: StrongCaringBeauty

There are several ways to describe me from Ambitious to Zany. I am simply a strong, caring beautiful individual finding my space in this great world.

Communication Problems, I have those

He’s the one who knows me best. He’s the one I desire when anything noteworthy occurs in my life. Yet, he’s the one I lash out at when I’m internally upset about things that he has nothing to do with. What exactly do I expect him to do? Why am I being so unfair? Why must I unrealistically expect him to drop his personal life situations and handle mine?

How many times will I apologize for my unfair, biased approach to our relationship, friendship? Why do I attempt to justify my wrongs with what I consider his wrongs? I should just accept my wrongs as my own and work on myself because that’s what I can do.

I annoy myself and I must improve my communication.

Time Stops for No One

I am often amazed by how much life changes; particularly, how time keeps going regardless of what is happening in each of our respective lives.

Think about it. At this moment someone is experiencing a family and/or personal crisis; yet, I am constructing a post about how time stops for no one. Furthermore, I could be experiencing a crisis at the moment and you would not know.

In the United States, the only country I have personal experience with, we are in many ways encouraged to put ourselves first. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this (said the person who only has experience with the United States as a country); however, when we are in crisis mode many of us long for a sense of community.

Or at the very least, we wish that people would realize just how crazy our lives are at the moment. In my experience, it is true that we often have individuals who acknowledge our crisis at least once, however, only those experiencing that crisis with us continue to be “in it” with us or empathize with us.

As I write I can think of a multitude of crises that my loved ones (friends and family) are currently in and if I expand my thoughts to individuals I know or associate with in some form, the multitude of crises increases —- but I cannot say that my personal daily life is directly impacted by these individuals’ crises. Honestly, it would be false for me to suggest that I even think of the various crises that individuals are facing as I go about my daily life.

However, when I am the one experiencing a crisis I wonder why people are not “with me” in my crisis or why it seems that no one realizes I am in the midst of a crisis…then I remember that my crises impact the lives of individuals as much as their crises impact my life…very little, if at all. Therefore, although the crises may be all consuming in my life, it may barely reach another person’s radar.

Time keeps going and life continues to go forward even in the midst of our crises. I definitely needed someone to tell me that during my adolescent years!

Patience…limited edition

My desire and willingness to post declined significantly once I started working full-time; however, I’m in an adjustment phase.

Being in an adjustment phase is what prompted today’s post. I’m unsure if this is true for anyone other than myself; but, transitions are difficult and they never go as planned.

My job is great and I enjoy it; however, other aspects of my life are in disarray.

Part of the reason I feel things are in disarray is my unrealistic expectations and my lack of patience.

I was out of work for nearly 8 months and bills went unpaid; however, I unrealistically expected to be back on the top, financially after 1 month of full-time employment. I’m smart enough to know that this was crazy but still I find myself criticizing myself for not meeting that unrealistic expectation.

In this day and age we are taught to believe that things happen instantly or at the longest within 2 days…so it’s difficult when things take time.

I wish I had the answers and perhaps a stockpile of patience to give myself

Not much of a thought but intermittent fasting disturbs me…

Intermittent fasting seems like a pathway to disordered eating. I don’t know much about it, but from what I read, there’s a fine line between intermittent fasting and disordered eating.

The promotion of this eating or not eating routine bothers me. It seems we as people should take care in what we promote since we cannot control the audience who receives the message.

Thoughts?

Been a long time…

It’s been weeks since I posted or read any blog posts! All is well in my life; I’ve considered getting rid of this blog. Not sure I’ll keep up with it much anymore.

I hope everyone is well! Thanks for following my blog…

He is…

He is someone beautiful. Yes, beautiful because his beauty goes beyond the descriptors – fine, handsome, and gorgeous.

Certainly, he is aesthetically pleasing and that is the reason our first conversation came to life.

Oh, I don’t pretend to not notice the attractiveness of others. I must be physically attracted to someone before I embark on any sort of romantic relationship with him.

Please believe physical attraction isn’t enough to make me stop and stay awhile; however, it’s enough to make me pause and see if I want to stay.

That’s why he’s beautiful. He checked off all of my imaginary criteria boxes for things I desired in a man’s aesthetics. I’ve stayed a long time now, so it’s no secret that his personality, charm, and perspective enthused me in a way that no man ever has.

He is beautiful, one of a kind, and I’m grateful to know him. Mmhmm

Communication

I’m amazed at how well I communicate my thoughts and ideas in professional settings. I’m equally amazed at how poorly I communicate in familial settings.

Self-awareness is not just something that’s important to me personally; it’s a major aspect of my professional life…therefore I continually reflect and evaluate me!

Recently, while conversing with some family members I noticed that I repeated what I’d said multiple times in response to the bewildered expression on one of the individuals’ face after I initially made the statement.

That’s nothing…no big deal, right? Wrong! In professional communications in response to a bewildered expression, I rephrase my statements in an attempt to provide clarity to my conversation partner. So, why did I not do this when I conversed with my relatives?

That’s something I’ve asked myself for years. I know some times I really have no idea how to clarify a statement. Yet, other times I’m unwilling to take the nanosecond it takes to rephrase my statements. That leads me to repeating myself and looking at my conversation partner like “why don’t you understand what I’m saying?”.

That’s insufficient communication skills on my part. Plus it creates barriers to relationship building.

Which brings me to another point – how can I say that my relatives don’t know me when I place barriers between us through my communication patterns?

Is building professional networks of greater importance than maintaining close familial ties? Based on my communication skills or perhaps I should say based on my efforts at communication, I’m led to believe I place more stock in professional networks.

But it’s not that simple! Of course, you know that things are rarely that simple.

Let’s review my communication efforts with professional networks. The fact that I’ll rephrase a statement to provide clarity…does not suggest that I place more value in these contexts than with my relatives.

Let’s also think about the patterns of communication I’ve developed through my family unit. The unconscious beliefs I garner about communication and my place in conversations.

We learn a lot about communication and how individuals operate amongst each other in our families. It’s also possible that the conversations with my family are more relaxed and less restrictive than the conversations with individuals I engage with in professional settings.

Do you notice any differences in your communication efforts with different groups?

If you do, is the simple reasoning for those communication efforts adequate? Or is there more to it than what’s on the surface?

It All Works Out

Don’t worry about it {whatever your it may be} because everything will work out in due time.

I don’t know about you, but I am not comforted by the aforementioned sentiment. For a fact, I often feel like it’s an insult when someone says it or any variation of it to me.

Unfortunately I’ve uttered similar statements to others; however, now my perspective on it has changed.

I know that individuals are well intentioned when they say things of that nature and they are genuinely attempting to comfort the recipient.

It’s likely comforting to some individuals, in a similar sense that statements suggesting that a higher power or the universe is working things out on your behalf.

Sigh, I’ve never been one to be comforted by such statements. I’m often someone who struggles to see past my current situation and circumstances. I guess some would say when it comes to my perception of my life, I’m a glass half-empty kind of person!

This is not the case when it comes to my perception of other’s lives and the advice I give. That’s when I’m beyond optimistic and encouraging.

This part of my personality, makes me a great advice-giver and not so good advice-recipient. Especially when that advice requires me to change my perception of my situation.

Before you start with the shenanigans about how this is a bad thing and I need to work on it…let me ease your mind: I actively work to improve myself and my life daily. This includes changing how I perceive my situation and circumstances.

So, yes I work on it, but, I’m a work in progress to say the least. I don’t necessarily see my perspective as a bad thing, however, there are times when the balance is not there!

For instance, during the last few months, I accepted a job that will launch my professional career, I’ve managed to keep my bank account open during a long 7 month stretch of unemployment, and I never once became homeless or experienced true hunger despite my lack of income.

Ok that sounds great right? All things considered, but I see my situation through another set of lens.

That set of lens suggest that I’ve been unable to pay a single bill independently for the entire year of 2019 thus far; I had to depend on my parents, extended family, and friends for the simplest of my basic needs; and most of the time when my phone rings it’s a debtor whom I must tell the same tired story about why I am unable to pay my bills; I have multiple educational degrees and yet I was unable to secure any employment; my credit score has plummeted; and yes I have a full time position lined up that will launch my professional career and it is the position I desired but it doesn’t feel that significant.

Think about the differences between those thought statements. Now, imagine how an individual with the latter thoughts feels when someone says it will all work out.

Imagine their surprise when the person with the latter thoughts is unable to even faintly smile in return to their well intentioned statement.

Sigh. I’ve been told that I’m a negative person and that I make others uncomfortable when I do not take comfort in their sentiments.

Ok, so here’s the deal…I’m not here to for anyone’s comfort and it’s nonsensical for me to change my feelings about my situation and circumstances for the sole purpose of making someone else feel that their advice is inspiring.

Additionally, the phrase that it will all work out is on the same shelf as it could be worse…those phrases are empty platitudes.

I’m not naive I am very self-aware. I do not waddle in despair and I do not feel that my situation and circumstances are hopeless. However, I do not feel comfortable in this situation or with these circumstances.

I am entitled to feel however I feel. I believe it would be much easier for people to simply say, that sucks during the rare times they hear of my situation or circumstances.

Plus, it’s more than appropriate for an individual to tell me that they do not care to discuss my situation because it’s bringing them down. It’s important to take care of you, and part of that is protecting your own mental health.

Thankfully, I don’t sit around and incessantly gripe about my situation and circumstances. For a fact, when most people are made aware of them they are shocked.

But on the off chance that I do share with you or that anyone tells you their less than good current situation and circumstances,..try not to immediately find a fix! Just listen and once you’ve had enough change the topic.

And please, be mindful when you say it will all work out!

What’s something that irks your nerves when you’re in the midst of a trying time?

Romantic Relationships

Those who know me in real life are well aware that I shy away from romantic relationships.

In all honesty, I often miss the clues individuals utilize to express their interest in me…therefore I miss opportunities to even engage in many romantic relationships.

I’m one of those people who hyper focuses on one goal and loses sight of the big picture.

Even with all of those personal flaws or quirks (depending on who you ask) I’ve managed to fall in love and experience a romantic relationship.

Laugh, you know those quirks I mentioned earlier? They didn’t go away once I entered a romantic relationship, and they complicated things.

I’ve mentioned before that if I was born 15 years later than I was, there’s a high likelihood I would’ve been labeled as being somewhere on the Aspergers Spectrum.

That is not an insult to those who are on the spectrum, neither is it my attempt to make light of a serious issue.

I was born at the wrong time and in the wrong location and definitely in the wrong socioeconomic class for anyone of influence to flag my tendencies as different.

Enough of that.

I’m an adult now and I am still perplexed by romantic relationships. A part of me truly believed they are an utter waste of time and energy. While there’s another part of me that feels like romantic relationships are enticingly beautiful.

I still leave something to be desired when it comes to romantic relationships. I often have to be told what it is my partner desires from me and that can be annoying.

Oh I don’t mean they have to tell me something grand, no they have to tell me “amber I would like for you to hug me and not seem like I’m on fire and you’re afraid to catch it” haha! That was an odd moment, but I do have a tendency to hurry hugs.

I do have to work hard in romantic relationships and I still don’t know if they’re worth it. It seems like a lot of work with little benefits.