Author: StrongCaringBeauty

There are several ways to describe me from Ambitious to Zany. I am simply a strong, caring beautiful individual finding my space in this great world.

The Magician

I associate with people from many walks of life; their beliefs and their appearances vary.

This is a wonderful thing, it gives me an opportunity to explore my beliefs and appearances.

Most who know me would agree that I have no issues letting people be who they are or even whomever they wish they were.

I don’t proclaim to know the Truth; I prefer to view it as my truth. Years ago I decided that I can only speak my truth and that my truth could be completely different than someone else’s. Neither of us are unequivocally right; although, we may each believe that we are.

Some of my associates speak about the fascinating prowess of one whom I can only characterize as a magician. Even my characterization is evidence of my truth; I’m nearly certain that my characterization would cause a pother between my associates and myself.

Thankfully, I’m constantly informing my readers that this is simply my opinion, my truth.

The magician, I’ll stop short of referring to this being as great – I have to have some respect for my associates. So yes this magician is one who comes to the rescue of many individuals – I only have their testaments as evidence.

Several of my associates affirm that the magician has rescued them during the darkest of days, those times when everything that could go wrong, did.

Let me expound by example:

One such associate loves telling a story about the time in his life when he lost his job, fell behind on bills, subsequently lost his home and his car…then the magician came in just when he was about to lose his final shred of hope and dignity…the magician came in and voila this man’s life was rebuilt.

Not only was his life rebuilt, it was better than it had been before he lost all tangible items of value.

He was provided a job that he would’ve never been considered for as long as he had the job that he ultimately loss. That’s important, the losses were purposeful and the magician was able to use these losses for good.

I could go on but quite frankly all of my associates’ stories about the magician sound the same. If I didn’t know for certain, I would swear these individuals simply traded stories or at least they were paid by the magician to become walking, talking billboards.

From what I hear the magician puts on a great show, unfortunately, the tickets sell out quickly or at least I haven’t learned how to acquire any so I have yet to see this great act for myself.

I do enjoy the stories my associates share with me about the magician.

Money problems

I’ve been unable to fully appreciate the fact that I’ve received an academic appointment because it starts in August…right now it’s May.

The dilemma I’m facing is that I have no income currently and that has been the case since I walked across that stage in December.

That’s another momentous occasion that I’ve been unable to fully appreciate because of my dire financial situation.

I’m extremely blessed to have had the opportunity to complete the level of formal education that I have. Additionally, it doesn’t escape me that I am one of few to attain the coveted academic position that’s been granted to me.

However, the bigger picture highlights my starting position of being a first generation college graduate from a rural lower socioeconomic area.

I’ll save the rest of the thoughts for research but thinking about my starting position brings me hope. I’ve overcome much in my educational journey so I know that I can endure this phase of financial destitution.

My debtors have been incredibly kind to me and I completely understand that they have a business to run.

My current financial situation is completely of my doing and even if it takes years for me to clean this mess up I will. I take full responsibility for the part I played in this situation.

It grieves me when I’m unable to pay even the minimum payments on my accounts. I try to answer every call from my debtors and each time it takes a little out of me. I have to tell them that I graduated from school recently, my income was tied directly to school, I have employment lined up, but it doesn’t start until August.

I’ve looked for part time work but I’ve been unable to find anything. My parents are graciously providing me housing, without them I would be without shelter.

My situation sucks right now but I’m grateful for the blessings that I’ve experienced even in the midst of this chaotic time.

I have chronic illnesses that are not being monitored because I also no longer have health insurance and if you’ve been to a healthcare professional in the United States while uninsured and no income, you are well aware of the problems with that picture.

I’m proud of myself because although I’ve had flares and I’ve had many low moments as a result of my current circumstances, I have yet to give up completely.

This time has given me a stronger desire to give back to the communities that helped me and to assist students who are from like backgrounds. I want to make sure that we are not forgotten.

I’m struggling right now in ways that I’ve never imagined I would but this is all temporary.

If you have any suggestions of in the meantime work I could do and how I can bridge the gap between now and when my job starts in order to pay my debts and stay afloat…let me know.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post!

Love

Recently, I was told a magnanimous love story without a storybook ending.

The two in love did not end up together or reunite later in life.

The love the shared was interrupted by life and personal decisions.

The love story never grew beyond the beginning stages of love. There’s no way to know if the love was lasting.

From that love story I learned that love is not enough.

One must make concerted efforts to let love grow.

It was a beautiful love story, although I’d heard it before.

To survive the often harsh realities of life the beauty of the love, needed so much more.

My beauty

My mind is beautiful; you may not know that tidbit of information.

My thoughts are complex; however, they are sometimes quite simple.

My heart is beautiful or so I’ve been told

I care for many, even those I don’t directly know.

My character is intricate, not easily defined

It’s difficult to bind to words just how beautiful I truly am.

My beauty goes beyond my external facade.

Job search

I accepted a position recently so my job search is officially over. This is reason to celebrate, right?

It is.

However, due to the nature of the position I received, my start date is months away.

In all fairness, my body and mind are still recovering from my enjoyable doctoral program, therefore, physically and mentally I need the remaining months before my position starts.

Here’s the problem -> money! I finished my doctoral program in December 2018, but I received my last full paycheck in May 2018. I stretched the money as much as possible but around February 2019 there was no more to stretch.

So I’m preparing to relocate, start the next chapter of my life, with a meager amount of funds to my name.

Thankfully, my soon to be employer is awesome and once I relocate I’ll have a lot of help.

My debtors have been kind for the most part and I’ve made many arrangements with them. My family are gracious enough to let me stay under their roof until it’s time for me to relocate. My friends have helped me tremendously during this time. My support network is strong.

Nonetheless, it is difficult to not have money. I handle money well and I live within a reasonable budget…but the best budget couldn’t make my funds stretch this far.

I’m reshaping how I think about my current situation and letting go if the stress, worry, and frustration that comes from being unable to meet my own financial needs right now.

My long (to me) job search is over and I got THE JOB I wanted. I’ll be able to follow my dream mission and get paid to do so.

In the meantime I’ll keep answering my phone and letting my debtors know my current situation. It’s difficult, but it’s temporary because I got THE JOB!!!

Open

Open your eyes young one, you’ll see the truth.

Open your eyes, old one, you’ll see the truth.

Open your eyes, you’ll discover much.

Open your eyes, just open your eyes.