Month: March 2019

Imposter syndrome

Many articles are available about individuals experiencing the imposter syndrome.

The imposter syndrome is basically the idea that an individual feels he is unqualified regardless of the credentials he holds,

That’s the dirty version of it…trust me there’s more to it. For instance, certain individuals with certain group memberships are more likely to experience the imposter syndrome.

Right now I’m in a waiting season…seriously😫! One phase of my life has ended; yet the next phase has not started. So I wait.tick, tock, tick, tock…time continues to pass.

The more I wait, the more I have to confront my inner feelings about everything.

Let’s just say, on paper I’m qualified to do many things…but I struggle to feel that I’m qualified to do anything.

I’ve dealt with the imposter syndrome before, many times. However, never to this extent.

I have no answers but I acknowledge that I feel like I don’t belong in spaces that I’ve worked hard to gain the access papers to join.

I’ll grow personally and professionally during this time.

One day I’ll realize that I’m not an imposter. I indeed belong.

Until then, I acknowledge that I struggle with the imposter syndrome.

Get Better

Hello everyone, I’m sure you’ve heard of Leslie Mosier’s Get Better well if you haven’t take a listen and purchase a copy of it! All proceeds to support Endometriosis awareness.

Endometriosis is hard to deal with and awareness is key to improving treatment.

I’m all for supporting causes that help others. Even if you are one of the few people who do not like the song, add it to your library for good measure.

Endometriosis

It’s not always Endometriosis but sometimes it is.

I’m an Black woman from the Midwestern United States who happens possess multiple educational degrees and I happen to have Endometriosis.

Many of you may realize that endometriosis was coined as the career woman’s disease so when I was diagnosed prior to becoming a teenager; I just knew the diagnosis was wrong!

How could I have a career woman’s disease when I was not remotely a woman yet and I did not have a career? At the time of diagnosis I did not even have a high school education.

Unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it, my diagnosis was accurate. I had and still have Endometriosis.

I was happy to know the name of the collections of symptoms I was experiencing; however, nearly immediately I was distraught by the lack of a cure available.

Years later I found out that it wasn’t just Endometriosis, but that’s another story.

Waiting

Waiting…I could be better at this. My waiting game could definitely be improved, a lot!

Now as I wait for direction on how to proceed in my job search, I grow impatient. I developed several excuses of why my impatience is justified.

Seriously, I have debts…enough said. My residence is not my own, therefore, I fail to have my own space. There are personal items that I need to function in daily life…I am an adult. I am supposed to furnish these items and take care of these debts on my own. Trust me when I suggest that I have many reasons to justify my impatience.

BUT! Justification or not, I am in a period of waiting…waiting sucks! My needs are being met during this time so honestly, my justifications for impatience are a bit weak; however, I am struggling (MENTALLY) as I wait.

Patience is one of those things that I can only tend to find when I am teaching, counseling, or advising. Do you notice something about those things? I find patience for OTHERS but rarely for myself. IF someone takes a little longer or even a lot longer to grasp a concept, my patience is beautiful – for a fact, many people would be shocked to know that I have ZERO patience with myself and/or my journey.

I am not sure how I actually completed the doctoral program…it did require a lot of patience, but it was also formulaic. I knew what was next and what had to be achieved in order to reach the final milestone of the program. I need to locate the patience I had with the program as I WAIT for what to do next.

My brain is less foggy since completing the program, so I know that this time of “rest” has been good for me. I put rest in quotes because I’ve never been particularly good at resting. I have a bad habit of filling my rest time with activities, so yeah…it’s not complete rest.

Waiting.

I am able to wait in a long line patiently or even to wait in the waiting room at a medical facility, but waiting to figure out what my next move will be is torturous.

I’ve lived my life filled with plans and now I do not have a plan. Yes, these plans never quite worked out but it was comforting for me to have said plans. Now I do not have a plan and I am working on this whole “living in the present” thing while I wait.

Waiting.

There are several things that I could do during this time. I could easily do a job just because I need the money…but here’s the thing I do not like to leave things without finishing what I started. Also, I really do need to wait until the last of the post-doctoral program brain fog dissipates in the name of self-care.

Waiting sucks but I imagine that soon this transitional time will pay off for me. I have to listen to my intuition, my voice in my head, the higher power, the universe, God, or whatever you may call it so that means that I wait.

Stay tuned…the waiting will be over soon.

Awkward Times in my Life with Endometriosis

That’s certainly Awkward! It’s March, time to pull out my yellow ribbons and raise awareness for this disease called Endometriosis but

I’m Too tired from a seemingly never-ending endometriosis flare to raise awareness during Endometriosis Awareness month!

Oh I know something else that’s really awkward

A well meaning person suggested I try a particular treatment…hmm do I tell them that I a) tried the treatment, b) the side effects of a previously tried treatment means I no longer qualify for said treatment, or c) that the treatment goes against my plans

Oh yeah let’s not forget those people who suggest I have a hysterectomy or a child. I always wonder should I tell them how there’s no cure for Endometriosis even if you do hear about celebrities managing symptoms using certain measures.

That awkward moment when someone questions why I’m having symptoms when I was menstruating two weeks ago.

That awkward moment when someone with Endometriosis questions why our symptoms are not the same.

That awkward moment when someone tries to say Endometriosis.

Really, the word is a mouthful!

I know a lot about my dilemmas with Endometriosis and I have a lot of general knowledge about the disease; however, if there’s anything I’d stress about Endometriosis it is that the disease presents differently in everyone…

Be Aware but please try not to Be Awkward

Living My BEST Life…in my mind!

It’s true, I am on the job market and I write a lot about this experience! I’ve decided to make the most of my time on the job market, since it is an unique place to be in. Yes, there are some individuals who find themselves on the job market more than others and longer than others…but being on the job market is certainly an experience.

If you, like me, are looking for employment being on the job market probably seems like a nightmare on some days – especially when you have debts piling up and you’re wondering where you’ll get money to pay for basic essentials….I get this! But still being on the job market is an experience that we must try to enjoy.