Trust

I will trust a male again but it will be awhile from now, I will trust a female again but it will be awhile from now. I will trust again but not right now. 

I believe that things happen for a reason so I don’t regret any decisions I made; but I do wonder what if some times

What if I keep my level of detachment alive and held on to that unhealthy level of distrust I had? I wouldn’t be the woman that I am today but I also wouldn’t have this particular issue. Then again I’m no fortune teller. 

I believe that people are placed in my life for a reason, I don’t always learn the applicable lessons but that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist

A part of me wishes I never took a chance on love and that I never let my guard down but that part is the wounded pride because deep down I’m still beyond grateful foe the opportunity to love such a wonderful man 

Wounded pride feels like I should call him everything but wonderful. Wounded pride feels like I should defame him

Ahh but that’s not my nature and it’s not a true representation of my feelings. Right now I miss his voice, the way he chuckles and his beautiful smile 

Yes that makes me mad because I seem to be unable to stop loving him. I don’t kmow if he loves me but I didn’t know if he loved me when I first fell in love with him and I loved him anyway.

A part of me is anxious not to look stupid or make a fool of myself. I don’t want to be taken advantage of or played but that part of me started this post, she doesn’t trust and refuses to love. That part of me feels that she can only do things that are formulaic 

Love is far from formulaic. 

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