Becoming Better

I actively work toward self-improvement in all areas of my life, it is not easy nor fun. It is something that  I decided to do early in my development and I refuse to stop now…

BUT

I will be the first to tell you that I completely understand why many drop out of the race of self-improvement or never cross the start line.

Actively addressing one’s issues is hard work and takes major dedication. Plus, it means that you miss out on a lot of nonessential events that happen in other people’s lives. When you address your issues you don’t have time to point out what is wrong with others.

An example of me working toward self-improvement…I noticed a few years ago that I had an air of confidence while my true foundation was insecurity. Okay so first let me tell you that this realization was mind-blowing!!! I mean, I am this awesome individual who is doing all of these awesome things and among people from my humble beginnings I am simply awesome!!!

Yes I truly did think a very similar thought when I realized I was truly insecure…eek!

But really, how could I be insecure? I had my self together, I knew where I wanted to go and I was headed in the right direction to get there on time no less. I can laugh now at these thoughts because I learned that they were a part of that air of confidence that I carried oh so well.

Plus, be honest there’s a bit of arrogance in there also, but it was true I was insecure. The realization that I was insecure shattered my earth and made me truly look within myself. I knew that the knowledge of my insecurity was not enough, I had to address it.

No. I did not have to FIX myself but I needed to address my insecurity because I noticed it during my work on improving myself. Knowing that I was insecure was only the beginning.

It was not an overnight fix and insecurity is something that I still struggle with from time to time. However, now I have true confidence which means that I know when I am in over my head and I seek help, I may not automatically believe I can do XYZ but still give it my best efforts.

I don’t talk about what I am going to do to lessen my insecurities unless I am describing the steps I am taking to improve myself.

I am very much aware that this sounds like some recovery post, but it is not because remember I am here to tell you why people Do Not decide to better themselves.

Just like I was shocked (because I wasn’t fully in tune with my self, only familiar with my portrayed image) that I was insecure. Honestly, I felt like I was doing EVERYTHING right and I did not need any help when it came to how I viewed myself…that’s laughable and a sure sign that I was insecure.

I am learning that being secure in myself is not like the image I used to portray (I have it all together) but it is acknowledging that I too have faults.

Oh yes that does mean that there was a time in my life when if you were to ask me I did no wrong and I was the greatest creature to ever walk this planet (my air of confidence)

If I had a problem I found ways to point the finger back at someone or something else. My fake confidence had me singing Woe Is Me a lot.

My fake confidence was developed to help me get to a certain place, since I was surrounding by individuals who had no idea about the place I was attempting to go. In other words, I built an air of confidence in order to appear that I knew where I was going and how I was going to get there and everything in between…in order to NOT address what was lacking in my life, environment, self, etc.

My air of confidence served me well until it no longer fit…I was finally ready to face myself and work on self-improvement so the air of confidence had to be one of the first things that I addressed.

Working on yourself, self-improvement can be a pain and most of us prefer avoiding pain. So I am just here to say that I understand why many choose not to…it’s a gradual process with little short-term rewards.

Addressing my insecurity on my path of self-improvement excites me NOW but in the beginning it felt like betrayal because it meant going against my portrayed image.

I understand why many choose to stop self-improvement and others never start.

I started and I plan to live my life becoming a better version of me daily.

BTW. I am still indeed awesome, although I don’t have to say it anymore because it shows.

 

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