Month: September 2016

Unworthy of Love

It is safe to say that at times I’ve felt a mixture of both being unworthy of love and being unloved

Not shockingly, I’ve struggled with this as a child also

As far as being unworthy is concerned I fail to see why anyone would waste time loving me

When I feel this way, I devalue myself

for example, I feel that I am far from anything special

plus I honestly believe that I am majorly damaged goods.

Thats how I feel during those low times

Additionally, it’s no surprise that during these times I feel unloved by the very individuals who proclaim their love for me

When these people are too busy with their own lives to tend to mine, I take that as proof to my outrageous belief

It is true, we see what we want often

Plus it doesn’t help that I project an image that I am always able to take care of myself and I need NO assistance

Even still when my loved ones, let me handle my own

I feel dejected

In reality, I absolutely love to be helped

and I love to be told the reasons why I am loved and why people desire to help me

I recognized long ago the roots of feeling of unworthiness, but only recently have I began to address it and

see myself for how amazing I truly am.

I am beyond worthy of love and most importantly I am truly loved

 

Destiny Close

At times it feels like life is out of control or that you are barely hanging on

Remember those times are temporary

You are headed in the right direction and closer to your destination than you realize

Questioning Myself

Wanting to feel special, always. Scared to be loved, usually. Wondering if I told the truth, presently. Was I really ok in November? I don’t know, I thought I was…that much is true. Am I ok now? I don’t believe so, but I don’t quite know what is wrong. What is really bothering me deep down. What am I afraid to see?

There’s so much going on, so many questions? Will I finish school? What am I doing with my life? Why do I still have endometriosis? Why do I continue to eat bad when I know better? Why do I feel alone when I have many friends? I haven’t felt the least bit attractive in months, maybe longer? Yes, some days I’ve felt pretty but something inside feels ugly.

I feel like I am close to completing this transition but one wrong move and I fail…I know failure and it’s not pretty?

Disturbed Emotionally

Feeling lost, angry, dejected…in my dreams at least which explains my deer in the headlights approach to life as of late. I fail to understand what got me since I was only following the path that was laid out for me, but somehow I ended up in a foreign place and I don’t know what to do next…so I’m simply stalled. I can’t call for help because I don’t want anyone to know that I appear to have made a wrong turn so I’ll keep trying to figure out my next move. I know for certain that this place, space is unfamiliar and I feel unsafe, exposed. I really wish I could find my way home

I Am More

It is very easy to define oneself by achievements and status symbols; but at the end of the day , it’s important to remember that we are more than that.

People who you meet and interact with will remember how you made them feel before they remember your occupation or the accolades you have achieve

There are many people who have accomplished a great deal and on paper they are fabulous and yet they feel empty

Personally I have not accomplished much but those things that I have achieved fail to define me

I am grateful for the degrees I possess and the papers I’ve written, etc

but I am most happy about the lives I’ve touched

the people I’ve made smile and those individuals I have encouraged to think differently about various topics.

It is very easy for me to compare my lack of accomplishments with others or to just compare my idea of where I believe I should be with my peers but that doesn’t begin to tell the story of me

I am more than what a piece of paper can display, we all are more than the mere descriptions of ourselves.