Love

Recently, I was told a magnanimous love story without a storybook ending.

The two in love did not end up together or reunite later in life.

The love the shared was interrupted by life and personal decisions.

The love story never grew beyond the beginning stages of love. There’s no way to know if the love was lasting.

From that love story I learned that love is not enough.

One must make concerted efforts to let love grow.

It was a beautiful love story, although I’d heard it before.

To survive the often harsh realities of life the beauty of the love, needed so much more.

My beauty

My mind is beautiful; you may not know that tidbit of information.

My thoughts are complex; however, they are sometimes quite simple.

My heart is beautiful or so I’ve been told

I care for many, even those I don’t directly know.

My character is intricate, not easily defined

It’s difficult to bind to words just how beautiful I truly am.

My beauty goes beyond my external facade.

Job search

I accepted a position recently so my job search is officially over. This is reason to celebrate, right?

It is.

However, due to the nature of the position I received, my start date is months away.

In all fairness, my body and mind are still recovering from my enjoyable doctoral program, therefore, physically and mentally I need the remaining months before my position starts.

Here’s the problem -> money! I finished my doctoral program in December 2018, but I received my last full paycheck in May 2018. I stretched the money as much as possible but around February 2019 there was no more to stretch.

So I’m preparing to relocate, start the next chapter of my life, with a meager amount of funds to my name.

Thankfully, my soon to be employer is awesome and once I relocate I’ll have a lot of help.

My debtors have been kind for the most part and I’ve made many arrangements with them. My family are gracious enough to let me stay under their roof until it’s time for me to relocate. My friends have helped me tremendously during this time. My support network is strong.

Nonetheless, it is difficult to not have money. I handle money well and I live within a reasonable budget…but the best budget couldn’t make my funds stretch this far.

I’m reshaping how I think about my current situation and letting go if the stress, worry, and frustration that comes from being unable to meet my own financial needs right now.

My long (to me) job search is over and I got THE JOB I wanted. I’ll be able to follow my dream mission and get paid to do so.

In the meantime I’ll keep answering my phone and letting my debtors know my current situation. It’s difficult, but it’s temporary because I got THE JOB!!!

Open

Open your eyes young one, you’ll see the truth.

Open your eyes, old one, you’ll see the truth.

Open your eyes, you’ll discover much.

Open your eyes, just open your eyes.

The Keep Pile

It’s easy to become attached to items; yet, when people watch television shows that highlight hoarders, they are amused by an individual’s resistance to getting rid of items.

My parents have an outdoor swing and I’ve spent many hours on it. I’ve watched the comings and goings in their neighborhood. I’ve had countless conversations in the swing. I’ve even had some life-changing moments in that same swing.

To some people it’s just a wooden swing; however, in my eyes it’s a place where many memories were made and important events occurred.

Thinking about that swing, makes me think about other items that have held significant value to me through the years.

There’s Mr. Eric the Bear that I’ve had since I was a toddler. According to my mother, the bear was gifted to me by my uncle when I was recovering from having my tonsils removed. Mr. Eric – I wonder where I came up with such name? He was an eggshell colored teddy bear with a brown bow tie. After decades had passed I donated him to a nearby women’s shelter.

Then there was my handheld electronic UNO game and my VTech computer. These were both gifts from my parents during the early stages of my gadget loving days! The UNO game is no longer working; but it’s still in my writer’s desk. Unfortunately during those days when I actively enjoyed this game…I also enjoyed nail polish! Yeah, there’s evidence of my nail polish enjoyment on the game, all these years later. I donated the still working VTech computer at the same time I donated Mr. Eric the Bear.

There’s many other items that held value to me – like my first Haiku poem in elementary or my Girl Scouts sweater for being the local top cookie seller – so when I watch people have a hard time parting with things, I remind myself that I’ve placed several items in the keep pile.

Symptom Checker

Sometimes I use the internet to search my symptoms…the internet loves to inform me that I have Endometriosis!

Sadly I am always bummed to find that the internet suggests I have Endometriosis. Not because I’m desperately seeking a diagnosis; but Endometriosis?

I’m so tired of Endometriosis! I was diagnosed with Endometriosis definitively 19 years ago and it was suspected 21 years ago! In my mind, Endometriosis should’ve matured and moved out of my body after all of this time!

Ok I am joking but my internet searches are supposed to come up with some curable, easily managed ailment – not Endometriosis!